i wonder, how about them?

how can it be that i actually want to go back to that kind of life? ohman. im srry.

with regard to your former way of life, to put off ur old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires 1 Pet 4:22

guess i'm too judgmental, i look down on them? do i really..?

isn't the world really foolishness? i hate it. i mean. i see my mum. the way they talk. gossip. and i just feel so disgusted. i just want to get away and like shout hey man thats WRONG. all the four-letter words in the presence of her friends. im like. gosh.

im totally ungracious towards that. sorry Lord. guess she wants to uh.. "fit in"? i can't have this snobbish attitude. they don't know where else to go, what else to do. no alternative way but to act like that. forgive me Lord. and i'm still so stubborn. so ashamed at the dirty little things ive committed. quietly judging and criticising. pride. ego. gosh im just irritated.

life's more than booze and sex and four letter words! GOD!!!!! WHY. HOW ABOUT THEM?

your ways are not my ways. but am i impeding your way? am i?

i keep thinking, i'm different larh. and i still think that way. but the thing is, not to think i'm different and better.

at the end of the day we're all just wretched human beings gone wrong, seeking to glory in our own desires.. suppressing the truth by wickedness. the only difference is i have Jesus to set things right for me. and its not even sth i earned. its grace.

so God. what about them? dare i ask for their salvation? do i really have the heart to see them saved? i don't wanna be a hypocrite and just ask for the sake of asking. but... how different it would be if they had you....... who can imagine what it would be like, if their hearts all point toward You. glorifying you...

You can O God. you are able. as always, you never change, and You are the Lord of Hosts. O father, will You gather them back into Your arms... those that forgotten you, haven't known you before, bring them back O Lord. back to where they will truly belong.

and o father precious lord, forgive me. for i am just so filled with my own sinful desires. i just want to fix my eyes on you. take away my shame of my sins, o Lord, help me come near to You once again. when You are my delight, and i am your delight.

You alone judge the heart, and you alone know whether that is truly my heart's cry. if its not, Lord make it be. if it is, O god grant that You will be my true desire. my heart's flame and passion. mould me O God! change me! teach me, to take hold of ur grace.. which you've freely granted us in Jesus Christ.

thank you Father. that you welcome me back with open arms. that discipline is wrought with love purest.

A man with the vision of God is not devoted simply to a cause or a particular issue, but to God Himself.

how do i sing your praise with the guilt on my hands? how to be an effective servants when i don't let go.. today i choose to follow you. help me face the humiliation, the embarrassment... and be a child of light. help me not to judge!

God help. thats my cry.