wee. its friday, holidays are almost over, and i haven't gotten any homework done whatsoever. i'm so looking forward to seeing mr teo on monday. ha.

anyway, had netball camp from mon to wed. two friendlies with innova and catholic jc. learnt some stuff but i shall not bore ppl with the technicalities and details. its encouraging to learn tht some j1s are really into it. as in we want to learn and improve. hahaha. yeah man. we had some pranks being played on the last night of camp. ughh. hahaha. then we had some sea activity as well with hnf. we had our dinners and lunch on 3rd day at parkway. so its like i was eating at parkway almost everyday.

mm. feeling very disorganised and undetailed right now. i guess thats basically what we did for netball camp hahaha. sounds dead but actually i enjoyd it a lot haha =) geri said what kept her going in vjc was netball. and after thinking abt it, i realised tt sort of applies to me as well. its definitely not the lectures etc that keeps me from ponning sch. its training and playing netball. haha. oh wells.

had hse comm camp but it was super flexible and er, slack. dun realy rmb what we did. in comparison i tink netball camp rocked more. haha. but yea it was okay lah. erm, had games like handball, dodgeball, captains ball, floorball. night walk at night which wasnt as scary as AHS night games i dunno why.. and of cos talked a lot with pple ard haha. towards the end of camp was talking to elica and stuff. so yay i guess it was fruitful also lar. haha. got to know more ppl also. think aquila hse comm noms this yr like not tt strong. compared to lyk draco or lynx? other ppl tell me also. but nvm. we still rock =) haha. and end of the day its not just the fighting within the hses. i guess the main objective is to make vjc not such a mugger sch! >.< ha.

sigh. my life really revolves ard netball nowadays. try as hard as i might my life is still not revolving ard God. i guess the tangible always take precedence over the subtle. but.. God's presence isn't supposed to be subtle. guess i'm not putting in effort anyway.

and when i see how other ppl can still stay committed to church i wonder why. maybe they have accountability, they have committed leaders, they have responsibilities, whatever. its so easy to push the blame to circumstances - how they have a better environment.

at the end of the day only people with true character rise above their circumstances and do whats right.

what happened to true character? the past no longer holds.

the debates. struggles. the mental war. it doesn't stop does it.

and i'm so tired...

i wanna hurry up. grow up and grow old and die. life is just like a torture chamber. a trialbox. yes, going thru life refines you and moulds you to become a better person. prepared for eternity. but the process is so long, so slow, sometimes so painful, its so easy to lose sight of the whole meaning of it. open ur eyes. is it really a beautiful world out there? no.. as u grow up, only the untainted and untouched part of God's creation is truly beautiful. everything else just gets uglier as you mature and face reality.

what happened to all that true joy? i really don't fancy being such a pessimist. its getting harder and harder to take joy in the little tasks that life brings. perhaps i'm forgetting to put in the effort to take joy. haha. afterall, there are 2 sides to a coin. i can see both sides. the ugly, and the beautiful. i can choose to live with the ugly realities and yet pin my hope on the beautiful.