im sick. didnt go for training. quite sad leh. and i dunno how i got sick... i tink cos i slept at 1am that night. plus i ate too much chilli maybe. i duno! =( i can half-breathe but i can't smell. how horrible. ugh.

i realised i hv so much work. den i was like, okay, saturday i have nth on. i shall study hard and catch up. den i already had the "going to study" mood. then suddenly i realised i hv RETREAT ON SAT!! oh my gosh. i wont have time to do anything now. so sad. there goes my "catching up".

think after i come to VJC i enjoy sch life so much, i just more and more heck abt church commitments and stuff. and my spiritual life is really like.. a [sin kx] graph where k is a very, very large value. so inconsistent. feels really.. sigh. just read caron's blog, really admire her. how she still seeks after God even in the empty and dry-ness. i keep telling God okay i must get my life right with You first b4 i can make a diff in vjc. like organising prayer meetings and mentoring and everythg. but then it hit me that 2 years is a very short time.. and when will i ever get right with God? before i know it 2 years might just pass by w/o anything happening already.

i'm becoming so lukewarm. desires of the world taking away my focus from Him. and really, i have no1 else to blame except myself. i keep choosing the wrong things.. help God!!

maybe its the flu but i just really feel miserable. sigh.

and u know the johari window? my dominant trait is supposedly religious. it reminds me of how Jesus called the Pharisees "white-washed tombs".

think thats what my life is right now.. a white-washed tomb.

having 2 separate lives. its like changing clothes. im getting tired of myself.