Your Heart Is Green

Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out.When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life. Your flirting style: Laid back Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm What you bring to relationships: Balance

haha! my heart is my fave colour! how interesting. but its just a dumb quiz~ tho its quite right!

XT retreat rocks totally. this time it was a different kinda atmosphere. also was different cos shawn and keith weren't ard. and yea, the last "gaming" night was spent doing serious stuff, so XT retreat this time round gave me a whole new kind of "trip down memory lane"..

nd to take responsibilities seriously now.. hopefully it'll be a way to remind me to kp close to God in order to be effective. and my "colleague" (according to sen) isn't difficult to work with.. he's honest and relatively easy-going.. so i guess it can be a rather effective working relationship! cos honesty is really sth i value above all. heh. cuts down on all the communication faults and tiring second-guessing. yeaa. thank God.

it'll be a challenge in terms of socialising.. getting to know and take care of the XT-ers. to sincerely love them! and its time to work on my weaknesses consciously. =)

hope all will go well.. and tht we'll grow even closer to God with this new responsibility on our hands!

its really late 324am and i have ymove meetg tmr but im nt sleeping yet. cos im too excited about choreographing the indian dance.

haha, indian dance is really tiring man. and i realised its not at all comical and retarded; the video clips i saw actually have really sexy indian dance moves! sheesh. had to filter the moves and select the more er, appropriate ones. haha.

well, past few days have been busy, but God's love is more real than ever i guess. it's a truth that sinks down comfortably in my heart. that God really loves me no matter what state i am in now. i wanna live in the moment.. in the now. not dwelling on the past mistakes and guilt and shame. nor worrying about falling in the future. just live in the now; live in His presence now.

i pray that You will keep me always living in the now.. living in Your presence. thank You for Your GREAT GOODNESS LORD! in Jesus name, amen.

our God is SO GOOD! praise You!! You are more than able to use these skits to touch the Thais, You are more than able to soften and break our hearts, to open up our blinded eyes. Lord, have your way, work Your magic! or rather.. work Your GLORY Lord. we yearn to see Your glory! so that all men might turn and have no choice but to say, "how great Thou art!"

Thank You Lord!!

i wonder, how about them?

how can it be that i actually want to go back to that kind of life? ohman. im srry.

with regard to your former way of life, to put off ur old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires 1 Pet 4:22

guess i'm too judgmental, i look down on them? do i really..?

isn't the world really foolishness? i hate it. i mean. i see my mum. the way they talk. gossip. and i just feel so disgusted. i just want to get away and like shout hey man thats WRONG. all the four-letter words in the presence of her friends. im like. gosh.

im totally ungracious towards that. sorry Lord. guess she wants to uh.. "fit in"? i can't have this snobbish attitude. they don't know where else to go, what else to do. no alternative way but to act like that. forgive me Lord. and i'm still so stubborn. so ashamed at the dirty little things ive committed. quietly judging and criticising. pride. ego. gosh im just irritated.

life's more than booze and sex and four letter words! GOD!!!!! WHY. HOW ABOUT THEM?

your ways are not my ways. but am i impeding your way? am i?

i keep thinking, i'm different larh. and i still think that way. but the thing is, not to think i'm different and better.

at the end of the day we're all just wretched human beings gone wrong, seeking to glory in our own desires.. suppressing the truth by wickedness. the only difference is i have Jesus to set things right for me. and its not even sth i earned. its grace.

so God. what about them? dare i ask for their salvation? do i really have the heart to see them saved? i don't wanna be a hypocrite and just ask for the sake of asking. but... how different it would be if they had you....... who can imagine what it would be like, if their hearts all point toward You. glorifying you...

You can O God. you are able. as always, you never change, and You are the Lord of Hosts. O father, will You gather them back into Your arms... those that forgotten you, haven't known you before, bring them back O Lord. back to where they will truly belong.

and o father precious lord, forgive me. for i am just so filled with my own sinful desires. i just want to fix my eyes on you. take away my shame of my sins, o Lord, help me come near to You once again. when You are my delight, and i am your delight.

You alone judge the heart, and you alone know whether that is truly my heart's cry. if its not, Lord make it be. if it is, O god grant that You will be my true desire. my heart's flame and passion. mould me O God! change me! teach me, to take hold of ur grace.. which you've freely granted us in Jesus Christ.

thank you Father. that you welcome me back with open arms. that discipline is wrought with love purest.

A man with the vision of God is not devoted simply to a cause or a particular issue, but to God Himself.

how do i sing your praise with the guilt on my hands? how to be an effective servants when i don't let go.. today i choose to follow you. help me face the humiliation, the embarrassment... and be a child of light. help me not to judge!

God help. thats my cry.

after GAP, had GAB today. haha. was really fun. talked a lot, or rather listened, and felt good? cos like, i learnt new things! and its so fun to analyse things... but was wondering, were we just enjoying ourselves, did God enjoy as we enjoyed? was our talk really beneficial?

taxi fare was $15! and i reached at 8pm anyway. i shd have like, just took the bus huh? it was such a cause and effect thing. cos i lazy. so i read newspaper after eating and lazed ard. ok. then i left house at like 709pm when meeting starts at 7pm. so i was v angry at myself. at the jam. in the taxi lah. then ended up wasnt a gd testimony. i said "sorry for all the trouble man" the taxi uncle was like "its ok just don't show me your temper" then i got even angrier! i mean i was like, what the?! and he sent me to some secluded area?! den i realised it was kopitiam la. but i was still like. shocked. haix. den ran to church lor.

still like. qt disgusted at myself. sighh. Lord, when will i stop having this defeated attitude, this perpetually-complaining syndrome? this critical spirit? when will i be dwelling in ur presence minute by minute? how to? when will my heart be soft and flow as one with yours? when will it no longer be hardened?

so many qns. and i thought they're unanswerable. like, never. cos i kp failing.

but God pls help me. chg my unwillingness.. my hardened heart.. pull me back.. when i resist, when i give up. help me. help me. cos nobody else can help me.. not even myself..

i want to chg my blogskin!! to sth simple. and perhaps like, colours of green and white and beige and brown. like nature. tt'll be nice!

reading [Thy Will Be Done] by E.M. Bounds. cool book. =)

"As breathing is a physical reality to us, so prayer was a reality for Bounds. He took the command, "Pray without ceasing" (1 Thess 5:17) almost as literally as nature takes the law that controls our breathing.

He prayed because the needs of the world were upon him. He prayed, for long years, upon subjects that that the easygoing Christian rarely gives a thought, and for objects that men of less thought and faith thought to be impossible. From his solitary prayer vigils, year by year, there arose teaching equaled by few men in modern Christian history." (from Thy Will Be Done)

praying w/o ceasing is not an option. its not like God says "you can choose to pray w/o ceasing. its fine with me." its not like that. Father help me to pray w/o ceasing. to be always connected to the true Vine.

prayer is powerful. its a powerful weapon, the only offensive we have in this battle that's raging in the heavenlies. (ephesians 6) juz cos the gift of intercession is not "openly recognised and honoured", its not a useless, minor gift. i don't have to envy people with gifts of evangelism, teaching, pastoring, leading.. because each gift is important in the working of the body of Christ. so is my gift.

i pray o God tt i'll use Your gift to me to the fullest extent for Your kingdom. tt indeed, like Bounds, i'll cry out for Your Kingdom come, without ceasing. tht i'll knock on the doors of heaven ceaselessly, contribute to the golden bowls of incense which are the prayers of the saints, and cry out for my generation. for YOUR people. O lord.. fill my heart with your compassion and your love! to shoulder the burdens of the world upon me, like how you did. how the great people of your kingdom did.

tht Lord, every word i pray will be a cry from the depths of my heart. not an apathetic, tirade of words w/o true heart soul and spirit in it. forgive me for the times i've cherished sin in my heart and refused to let go. for excusing myself. grant me godly sorrow Lord, tt will lead to true repentance.

thk You Lord.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of Him." 1 John 5:14-15