sometimes i guess one shd b content with first impressions. especially if they're gd. becos if u get to know more of tt person and more of his/her bad points, u begin to like the person lesser.. from when you've started out. hm. haha. but then again, you're believing in a delusion. its almost akin to having a make-believe, imaginary friend, if all u interact with is this false notion (or impression) of him/her.

hmm. issues are always multi-faceted, its so tiring to exhaust all the possibilities and look at it from all the different angles. but sometimes i get a kick out of it. i want to see it from different perspectives. dun wanna b narrow-minded. maybe i should really be an arts student. do lit. sigh. why am i always following the flow? secretly, i blame myself for being too timid to take arts just cos i know i won't do well. how pathetic to suffocate the beginning sparks of interests just because of fear. fear of working harder, fear of making the wrong decision in an impulse. sometimes, i really admire ppl like glanies. who heck care the costs, benefits etc. and just go with their gut and study TSD. how i wish i'm like that.

i'm fearing regret even before i make a decision.

the smell of fear stinks.

the only consistent thing abt me is my fickle-mindedness.. or inconsistency. haa. sometimes i just can't make up my mind. ever had that feeling? plus i'm always high-low high-low. i'm never consistently always high or always calm and sane. i apologise to all my erm.. new friends who have been freaked out by my unpredictability. esp those who hardly know me yet. haha. =) don't worry i'm normal can. just a little weird, a little too complex. i can't figure myself out too.

what i want will never be, cos its not the best for me
so i wonder.. when?

http://drawahouse.com/houses/2006/3/22/302333_t.gif">

Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You love your house and family. You are a gifted artist as well. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. son. You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be. You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You love your house and family. You are a gifted artist as well. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. son. You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be. You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

consider Him, who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

i just realised sth. i keep questioning and searching. when stuff gets tough i think through it. so many scenarios i've went through. at the end of the day, all roads lead to one answer.

pinning my hope on the beautiful? what else is more beautiful than His character, the epitome of perfection?

really.. when stuff happens, i don't even need to think through everything and keep questioning. i just have to look to Him. look at Him. and all the bad stuff will fade away.

the righteous run into the name of the Lord and are saved.

the answers have always been there. in His Word. haha. cool. i feel foolish now. man's wisdom is foolishness compared to His wisdom.

once again the fool is humbled.

wee. its friday, holidays are almost over, and i haven't gotten any homework done whatsoever. i'm so looking forward to seeing mr teo on monday. ha.

anyway, had netball camp from mon to wed. two friendlies with innova and catholic jc. learnt some stuff but i shall not bore ppl with the technicalities and details. its encouraging to learn tht some j1s are really into it. as in we want to learn and improve. hahaha. yeah man. we had some pranks being played on the last night of camp. ughh. hahaha. then we had some sea activity as well with hnf. we had our dinners and lunch on 3rd day at parkway. so its like i was eating at parkway almost everyday.

mm. feeling very disorganised and undetailed right now. i guess thats basically what we did for netball camp hahaha. sounds dead but actually i enjoyd it a lot haha =) geri said what kept her going in vjc was netball. and after thinking abt it, i realised tt sort of applies to me as well. its definitely not the lectures etc that keeps me from ponning sch. its training and playing netball. haha. oh wells.

had hse comm camp but it was super flexible and er, slack. dun realy rmb what we did. in comparison i tink netball camp rocked more. haha. but yea it was okay lah. erm, had games like handball, dodgeball, captains ball, floorball. night walk at night which wasnt as scary as AHS night games i dunno why.. and of cos talked a lot with pple ard haha. towards the end of camp was talking to elica and stuff. so yay i guess it was fruitful also lar. haha. got to know more ppl also. think aquila hse comm noms this yr like not tt strong. compared to lyk draco or lynx? other ppl tell me also. but nvm. we still rock =) haha. and end of the day its not just the fighting within the hses. i guess the main objective is to make vjc not such a mugger sch! >.< ha.

sigh. my life really revolves ard netball nowadays. try as hard as i might my life is still not revolving ard God. i guess the tangible always take precedence over the subtle. but.. God's presence isn't supposed to be subtle. guess i'm not putting in effort anyway.

and when i see how other ppl can still stay committed to church i wonder why. maybe they have accountability, they have committed leaders, they have responsibilities, whatever. its so easy to push the blame to circumstances - how they have a better environment.

at the end of the day only people with true character rise above their circumstances and do whats right.

what happened to true character? the past no longer holds.

the debates. struggles. the mental war. it doesn't stop does it.

and i'm so tired...

i wanna hurry up. grow up and grow old and die. life is just like a torture chamber. a trialbox. yes, going thru life refines you and moulds you to become a better person. prepared for eternity. but the process is so long, so slow, sometimes so painful, its so easy to lose sight of the whole meaning of it. open ur eyes. is it really a beautiful world out there? no.. as u grow up, only the untainted and untouched part of God's creation is truly beautiful. everything else just gets uglier as you mature and face reality.

what happened to all that true joy? i really don't fancy being such a pessimist. its getting harder and harder to take joy in the little tasks that life brings. perhaps i'm forgetting to put in the effort to take joy. haha. afterall, there are 2 sides to a coin. i can see both sides. the ugly, and the beautiful. i can choose to live with the ugly realities and yet pin my hope on the beautiful.

i wanted to blog a super bimbotic post today, then i read somebody's post about the guy who passed away, and suddenly i felt so foolish and inward-looking..

i decided not to post what i feel abt it. highlight+backspace

just be light-hearted today. its not nice to depress others just becos my thoughts are depressing!! haha.

anyway, i think the rest of 06s34 are having fun at suntec mass dancing and dining, but i was just too tired and lazy to get myself outta bed, change, take a bus 36, and drop just next to the fountain. i dunno laa, nowadays im becoming really slack.. every morning i wake up (at least for the past 2 mornings) i tell myself to pon sch.. or be late.. etc. i can't imagine the horror of trying to wake up for the rest of the year, when there's no fun things to look forward to, eg. full day off for A level results, orientation2 where i can slack.. yeah. sigh. i really need God's strength to stay energetic and cheerful. =)

tdy we had CT session, and there were like 6 second intakers in our class. soo sad, jem and sinhwee and violet not in my cls la.. haix. super depressing if you ask me. =/ but yeah, there was jieying the cedarian, verna and yeelin from cchs, joanne and huiting from dhs, and weiting from VS. yupp. they're all really nice pple!! but i can't say so for joanne cos i totally didnt see her for the rest of the day (?!). haha. so dunno how she's like.

then after all the mass-dancing during o2, the slacking and eating at treehse, and the SLV-ing at some secluded upstairs area, i went to meet ginny to ask mrs foo abt the h1 elit thing. yepp. then went for 4.8 run with amanda. so fun! hahaha. at the start we ran really slowly, so we cld chat and everything. hehh. its really fun to run and talk at the same time. WEE! i must train up so i can run at a normal pace and talk at the same time. then i'll really have a WHALE of a time everytime i go running. yay so exciting! haha =)

and i had an incredibly interesting encounter tdy, saw -- twice. and -- smiled at me like (?!) you hv to understd that we don't know each other. the 1st time i saw --, i was desperately trying to ignore --, only to end up glancing at -- and see -- smiling indecisively at me. like, a "i dunno you so i dunno if i shd say hello" kind of smile. so i ended up smiling at -- too. and we supposedly don't know one another's name LA!!! so why did -- smile at me in the 1st place!? man i hope -- didn't do tht cos -- heard somebody talking abt me.

despite the whole weirdness of it all (esp since we really don't know each other), it was a nice encounter.

maybe, i'll stop supporting mrs fields.. SHAhahahahaah. =)

training tdy was cancelled! cos theres only 4 of us. so ms seow cancelled it. agh i shd hv just went home at 1245. =( now i have this horrible essay awaiting me.. tdy was so slack. only proper lesson was math lecture, and even then, we did very little stuff.. den slack for 4 periods! b4 going for GP =/. haha highlight of the day was that carmen's friends crashed.. and they were really nice people =) i quite like them cos they're easy-going and friendly. they smile a lott! its not like vjc pple dun smile but its just different, i think their smiles are so warm hehh.

vj's becoming deader.. made me seriously contemplate appealing for another unnamed jc.. whos dead as well but has a homelier feel (: talked to huihui jus now.. was a nice talk (: but i guess in the end i'll probably just stick to vjc.. sun qi zi ran. yea. i guess that homely feeling in vjc can b created too, at least in the class, mayb just need time and lots of prayer and lots of loving. =) not forgetting lots of God's grace and blessing..

oh anyway, i'm quite thankful that training was cancelled. even tho we're alr so slack. cos i tink im so tired i'll probably hv a hard time at training anyway. the medicine is like.. woaa. haha. yep so thk God for the break! i shall steward my time properly and go to sleep shortly after blogging =)

i'm quite excited cos we're having proper training on friday afternoon!! then, we'll b going for netballuxion'06 on sat morning. ooh yeah! its like my 1st time in 10 months that i'm going to b playing an official match. IF my fitness is back, and IF i do well during training so that i don't need to be a bench-warmer on sat. oh yeah. GOD pls let me play, for YOU! i'm just so excited. hehhh. gigglejigglewiggle.

ooohlala! my life's goal should be loving God and loving Man (i.e. neighbours). results and reputation fade away.. only love endures. afterall, that is what God commands. so by God's grace, i shall face each new day with an attitude of loving. may God remind me to do so. (:

its in loving that you're most like Jesus